


Fish Out of Water

by ivoryandhorn



Category: Umbrella Academy
Genre: 1000-3000 words, Backstory, Character Study, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-19
Updated: 2009-01-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 15:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivoryandhorn/pseuds/ivoryandhorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forever is a long time to be wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fish Out of Water

**Author's Note:**

> **SPOILERS for _The Umbrella Academy Vol. 1: Apocalypse Suite_ &amp; the side stories _Anywhere But Here_ and _But the Past Ain't Through With You_.**
> 
> Diego is fast shaping up to be my favorite, for reasons which can be more or less summarized in a single sentence: Of all the Umbrella Academy kids, he was the only one to consciously choose to be a superhero when he grew up.

**Once**

He'd forgotten how fucking _slow_ cars were. They usually just teleported everywhere—but right now, Diego figured he needed to save all the cash he could, if they really were going to pull off his crazy scheme.

Diego shifted impatiently in his seat, watching the lights spin slowly by: dull red and white as cars ground to a halt in traffic, bright neon signs casting hookers and johns into strange shadows, the faint pinprick of stars above the pollution. Life outside the Academy's walls, and wasn't he glad he'd finally grown a pair and left? He'd be by Vanya's side forever, and that was all that mattered.

His heart pounded at the word. _Forever._ He couldn't wait.

Something twitched in his pocket with a loud snatch of music that made him dig his phone out, excuses already running through his head—_Spaceboy wouldn't leave me alone, Spaceboy was too close for me to get away, Spaceboy, Spaceboy, and did I mention Spaceboy?_—but he stopped dead. It wasn't Vanya.

It was motherfucking Spaceboy.

Before Diego could stop himself he'd flipped his cell open. **FND KIDNPPRS COM QUIK**, it said.

_Even when you're not talking you can't speak right,_ Diego said to himself, but the insult was nothing but habit. They'd been searching for the Ruminez gang for weeks now, didn't even know if little Johnny Walker was even still alive, and yesterday he'd had to tell his mother, his fucking _mother_, that they still hadn't found her—

No. No. He'd _said_ that he'd meet Vanya and fuck it, he _would_. He damn well would meet Vanya and Body and play this show without beating anyone's head in and run away with his sister if it fucking killed him.

Or got someone killed. Like a little kid. Whose mom was currently going apeshit.

It should have taken longer to decide.

"Turn the cab around," he ground out. The chimp in the driver's seat looked at him askance.

"It'll cost ya," he said.

"I can pay," Diego said shortly, already digging in his bag for his uniform shirt and his mask. He didn't have time to change his jeans but it shouldn't matter and oh, fuck, his knives were buried right at the bottom under his shirts. "Head to—" he checked, yep, Spaceboy had already sent him a second text with the address because he was too dumb to have told him the first time "—509 Blossom Street."

"You sure? That's clear across town."

"Just fucking do it!"

_I'm sorry,_ he thought, _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry._ But what he said was, "And step on it."

\---

**After**

He winced as he stripped off his shirt, Spaceboy's voice still ringing in his ears. At least he'd showed, hadn't he? He didn't have to. He'd had a choice. Space didn't know that, which just made Diego even angrier, because all he'd been able to do was stand there and take Luther's stupid voice until he'd just decked the bastard and walked off because it wasn't fair he got to listen to everyone else take a turn ripping in to him before he could get his fair share in.

Diego examined himself in the mirror. There was already a bruise forming on his ribs, a spectacular starburst in a particularly fetching shade in reddish violet that promised to hurt like a motherfucking son of a bitch tomorrow.

He slumped on his narrow bed and almost without thinking pressed his hand against himself, hissing through his teeth at the diffuse pain of his badge of courage.

_You picked this,_ he reminded himself. _You chose this over her._

_And was it worth it?_ another voice murmured.

He didn't have an answer.

\---

**Later**

"How can you do this to us?"

"Keep trying." He kept packing over Alison's shrill voice, threw clothes and CDs and the odd book into his bag. There was less he wanted to take than he'd thought. Good.

"_Why_ are you doing this to us? We're a team, we need you!"

"The Monocle tried to have you _killed_. And you still have to ask?"

"He was just angry, he didn't really—"

"And maybe this Christmas, you'll _finally_ get that pony you've been wanting all your life."

He slung his bag over his shoulder without looking at her and stalked out of his room. He heard the click of her heels following him down the dormitory hallway, down the sweeping staircase, out the door and crunching down the Academy's winding gravel driveway.

Diego stopped just inside the gates, trying to gauge how long it'd take him to walk to the city. He wouldn't have an allowance after this last little stunt, so no more taxis for _him_.

"Where are you going to go?" Alison asked behind him, softer. Less accusing.

"Don't know."

"Diego—"

"Don't try to stop me."

He stepped across the gates, towards the city, away from home.

\---

**After some years**

He dragged the bastards into a sorry little heap and pressed speed dial one on his cell. Detective Lupo's number. Diego had a feeling that the bastard wouldn't be any shade of grateful, but then again that wasn't why he was doing this.

"You." A heavy sigh.

"Me."

"What is it this time?"

"You'd think I was calling to put more on your plate rather than lighten the load."

"Do you know how much extra paperwork I have when you—never mind. What's it this time? Rescue a kitten from a tree?"

"That chimpanzee gang that keeps holding up jewelry stores?" Diego cradled the phone between his head and shoulder and started climbing a nearby fire escape. "I think they call themselves the Bling Swingers. Or something."

"Son of a bitch!"

He snuck a glance down—the pile of small bodies wasn't moving. "They're not going anywhere fast."

"Where are they?"

"About a block before Blossom and Honeysuckle." Diego boosted himself onto the roof and peered back over the edge. "Better hurry. I think one's bleeding. Bad."

Detective Lupo swore and hung up so hard Diego could've heard the click from his pocket.

"Well, that solves that," he muttered, stowing his phone.

"Kraken?"

He stiffened at the familiar voice. "Go away."

"It _is_ you!" Before Diego could say anything more another shape plopped down beside him and he looked, unwillingly, into the smiling face of the Horror. "We all thought you'd died or something, man."

"And wouldn't Daddy dearest have been happy about that."

"Aw, don't say that. I bet he misses you as much as we do!"

It was really fucking hard to be angry at Ben. Ben was the only one who really bought into all the crap the Monocle tried to stuff down their throats, and somehow trying to show him the error of his ways was like kicking a really huge puppy with tentacles growing out of its stomach. "Which is to say, not at all."

"_I_ miss you," Ben said loyally.

"You miss being given ice cream for saving the world from murderous monuments."

"You liked it too!"

"And I grew out of it. Something you apparently have left to do." Where were Lupo's boys? Diego couldn't wait to blow this popsicle stand and find a nice mugger or two to beat to a bloody pulp before turning in early.

"Aw, _Kraken_…"

_Shut up. Just shut up._ "Don't you have Spaceboy's ass to kiss or something? Quit bugging me."

He saw Ben shrug out of the corner of his eye. "I was on patrol when I thought I saw you so I thought I'd take a break and…hey, did you see us fighting Dr. Terminal last week?"

"It was _only_ on every fucking newspaper printed in a fifty mile radius of the city."

"Yeah! I know!" Ben laughed. "That was really cool, huh?" He sounded younger than Diego, than all of them; he always had. Of all of them, he was probably the closest to normal, which was a pretty pathetic thought come to think of it. He thought growing tentacles out of his chest was about as normal as taking a crap.

"Man," Ben was saying, "we _really_ could've used you at that fight!"

_Here it comes._ "No."

"What?"

"I know what you're going to ask. You want me to come back. And the answer is, and will always be, _no fucking way."_

"But Diego—" For once the perpetual good cheer had dropped out of Ben's voice. He actually sounded serious for once, and the change was so sudden that Diego found himself making eye contact for the first time all night. "We all—I mean—"

"You mean _you_ want me back," he filled in. "You never did get we weren't playing Happy Families. We were all playing Solitaire. We still are. I just went and found a table of my own so I wouldn't have to stare at all your ugly mugs for the rest of my life."

"Spaceboy—"

"Would've come find me himself if he cared so damn much." He could hear sirens zipping down the street.

"But…"

"I'm telling you, Ben. Drop it."

"Diego…"

He saw Detective Lupo clamber out of his car, still flashing red and blue. The man nudged one of the prone figures, which gave a loud groan, audible even from Diego's perch.

"That's my cue to leave. And I'm going to take it." He levered himself up into standing position, stretched until he heard his spine pop and started charting the route home. Forget the muggers. His punching bag would do. Or maybe he'd break into the neighborhood pool instead, do some laps until his head cleared.

There was an uncomfortable pause. Then he heard Ben stand up behind him, his ridiculous cape swishing as he tried to settled its hang—he'd never learned how to not to fiddle with his clothes when he was upset. You'd think after all this time…

"Stay safe," he said at last, quiet.

"Fuck off."

Diego found his route, took off at a run and cleared the gap over the alleyway easy, rolling as he landed. Leaping from rooftop to rooftop ate up the blocks fast, but when he looked back Ben was still standing there, cape twisted in his hands.

\---

**Not too long after that**

Sometimes he wondered, if he'd known, would he have answered Ben differently? If he'd known it was his last chance to make his brother happy, would he have taken it?

Like so many of his questions, Diego was tired of not knowing the answers.

\---

**Shortly thereafter**

"Kraken."

_Oh hell no._ "What do you want?"

"Can't you even look at me when I'm speaking to you?"

"You're assuming I want to, Space."

"Kraken…"

"I'm busy."

"Standing around and brooding?"

"Not everyone waits around for trouble to come to them."

"That's right, you go looking for _it."_

Diego finally broke his watch and turned around to glare at his brother. He bit out the words like bullets. "What do you _want?"_

"You took it off," his brother said stupidly, staring at Diego's chest.

"What, this?" He tapped the skull-and-crossbones now centered on his chest instead of the familiar umbrella of his youth. "You made it clear I didn't belong at Ben's funeral. I thought I'd save you the trouble of officially kicking me out and officially leave."

Space glared accusingly at him. "You can't do that."

"Newsflash: I already did."

Turning his back, Diego resumed just in time to see a man with a red bandanna tied around his neck slip in through the side door. _Bingo._

He made to get across the street but was stopped by a huge hand wrapped around his arm. He turned and find his brother watching him accusingly. "You can't do that," Space repeated.

"You never really did get the hang of rebellion, did you? It means _I don't fucking care."_

Space finally let go of him, but he had that nasty smirk on his face that made Diego want to stab and stab and stab until he couldn't see it for the blood. "You call _this_ rebellion? Fighting crime, breaking up gangs? Dad would be so proud."

"So what do _you_ call rebellion then?" Diego snapped. He was getting angry and he could feel it and he hated it; he knew fighting with Space was a bad idea and never did anything good for him but god, his brother always knew exactly where to hit to make Diego want to hit back so much it hurt. "Running away to the future? Running away to make a family?"

"Leave Rumor out of this," Spaceboy snarled, but Diego barreled on anyway.

"Running away to _hide on the goddamn moon?"_

Space's face darkened. "Kraken—" he began warningly, but Diego jerked his arm out of his grip.

"Fuck off and die," he said, and moved across the street like a shadow. He forgot all about sneaking in and being careful, just burst in through the damn door knives out and snarling.

There was nothing like the good clean crunch of bone to help Diego forget.

\---

**One day**

It was like she hadn't changed at all since she'd left: no more punk chic, but Vanya still had that beautiful heart-shaped face, the granite-chip eyes and short clipped black hair. The set of her shoulders as she strode down the street away from him was the same, too: the air of being defeated, but not quite broken.

Diego walked into a telephone pole, not sure he'd seen things right. Fortunately, this meant he could call in sick on the grounds of nearly giving himself a concussion.

He thought about finding her, maybe paying a visit. _To what?_ he asked himself bitterly. _Chat? Catch up over tea and crumpets?_ Everything he could think of to say felt too much like a lie, because even now, he wondered. What if he hadn't told the taxi to turn around?

The words kept building in his chest, fragments running through his head. Daydreams, reruns, nightmares, distractions. It was like being angry, the moment right before he snapped and lost it. Except he was pretty sure he wasn't angry…mostly. It was just that he had to see Vanya. He had to—apologize, explain, justify, something, anything, to make right the questions that wouldn't leave him alone.

Then _Extra Ordinary_ came out.

And suddenly Diego had nothing to say to Vanya at all.

\---

**In the end**

He'd thought a lot about the words, over the years. About Luther's words, hurtful as they were, however much he hated to give his brother any credit. About himself, about what it meant to be Diego Hargreeves, what it meant to be number 00.02, what it meant to be the Kraken.

"I'm sorry," he told Vanya's sleeping face, the dull beep of machinery beneath his words. "I owed you more than that—I owed you _better_ than that. I can't take back my choice, and sometimes I wish I could. But I'm sticking by it. I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me."

Diego let himself out of her hospital room, pulling the window shut behind him with a quiet click. He'd found his answers at long last—but did it really matter anymore? Nobody was left to hear them.

At least, nobody who mattered.


End file.
